I hear it's hard to be friends with exes. However, I rarely have trouble with this. He and I hadn't dated in four years, and we'd been solely friends since. Sure, I often stay at his house and when I do, I sleep in his bed with him - but nothing ever happens. Except that one time.. And every time since.
It's refreshing to be entirely honest, to rid myself of the weight that has been pressing on me for the past year. I felt a sort of freedom telling you that I knew that your "reasons" had solely been excuses and that I'm still bitter. I don't resent you, hate you. I am not even in love with you anymore. I am mainly just bitter and incapable of comprehending why you would choose her after stating for so long that that wasn't want you wanted. Or how you can cheat on her and feel no guilt.
And how I can be a part of it and feel more guilt.
I'm tired of walking backwards.
What have we become?
Our mistakes are too many
and joy can hardly fill the spaces in between anymore.
I knew the warmth of your skin,
the press of your lips.
I felt the trembling in your bones
as your hand found its way to each curve and crevice,
making its home on the small of my back.
The look in your eyes was unfamiliar,
the look I had been longing for
for years.
That night seems so distant now,
clouded memories diluted by inebriation.
The ecstasy of the passionless moment
hardly conjures emotions anymore.
That night
we had
meant nothing.
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